


A First For Everything

by PurpleHearted



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, F/F, Fluff, Pining, happy ending bc its for zeb, momo was hopelessly inlove, sana was the pretty transferee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27389851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleHearted/pseuds/PurpleHearted
Summary: a world where momo is confused if she hates sana or hates that she has feelings for sana.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 8
Kudos: 137





	A First For Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [likeuwuahh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeuwuahh/gifts).



> my first time posting a work that's not anonymous. just to say zeb, i love u!!

There's a first in everything. 

To have a bitter feeling blooming inside your chest for no apparent reason. To take a short glimpse at her and feel exactly that.

A moment ago, Momo didn't think it was possible. 

Momo only hated one thing. Bitterness. She didn't like the taste of dark chocolate, the after-taste of coffee, and now the heavy feeling as her gaze fell into her face.

It took one look to know. One glance to realize. She hates her. 

Who does she think she is? Why would you transfer in the middle of a sem? Why would you wear a purple scarf even when it's not even cold? It looked ridiculous. Especially with that smile.

**~~~**

Everyone seemed to take a liking to the new student, Momo noticed. They always leaned closer. They scooted closer. They listened to every single word this girl had to say. 

Momo knitted her eyebrows, fighting the magnetic power her curved lips she has on everyone as they listened to the girl introduce herself in front. 

Minatozaki isn't a common Japanese name. It's fresh, it's unique, it's weird, and Momo didn't like it. Not one bit. 

Sana was different, she stood out. Farther than anyone had crossed Momo's mind. Spoiling the farthest parts of her mind that no one had ever been. Crawling under and further in her head that she has no control whatsoever. Something–no everything about it bothered Momo.

**~~~**

At times Momo just couldn't help but wonder why everyone is so drawn to her. 

Sana was cute. Momo couldn't deny that. Her warm smile, pretty nose, and her soft laugh. Everyone adored her for it.

Other than a pretty face, what else was there? besides her cute nose scrunch whenever she smiles? Or is it her adorable pout whenever she trips over literally air? Momo doesn't get it. Having to not get an answer when she spent so many hours looking for an answer at night made the tightness of her chest more noticeable.

She could still hear that gentle laugh again. She could still see that white angelic smile again.

Momo groaned under her blanket as she buried her face with a pillow.

It should be a crime to look like an angel and actually be one.

**~~~**

"Twelve," 

"What?" 

She knew that voice. Even and silvery, it was the very same voice she tried so hard to avoid for weeks.

"It's twelve," Sana took a small bite from her apple before settling to sit in front of her. "Twelve is the atomic number for Magnesium." 

Momo was out of words. Countless thoughts ran inside her mind but not one got out.

"I kinda feel like you don't like me," Sana tilted her head trying to read Momo's expression.

Momo found it cute, she looked like a puppy looking for a treat.

Sana wasted another minute just to try and search for any sign of annoyance on Momo's face.

Sana wasn't good with reading and Momo was good at pretending. 

"I don't," Momo lied, thanking herself for not choking on the words

"Then why haven't we talked in class?" 

"Because there's nothing to talk about?" 

"Then why did you change seats when I was sitting beside you yesterday?" 

"Because it was raining and I wanted to watch the rain closer." 

Sana squinted her eyes, trying to figure out if she was lying. 

They were half-truths. Momo tried to reason out. It wasn't technically a lie. She didn't have anything to say to her, and she did really like the rain. 

When Sana decided she wasn't lying, she grinned like a cute puppy.

Momo tried not to clench her fist. Why was Sana like this? Why is she so affected by her?

"So... if you're not lying then I guess it won't be a problem if I stick with you?" 

"Why would you do that?" Momo felt something weird. Why was she nervous? Momo was working too hard to avoid eye contact, it's hard to ignore her heart's racing and established eye contact. It's too advanced for Momo's abilities. 

"Don't you have other friends you can bother?" 

"It just looks like you're alone and lonely." Momo wasn't sure if she's insulting her.

"I don't need anyone," It was the truth. 

"Then it's no problem if you manage to have someone." 

Momo hated Sana. She reminded herself but she nodded.

Momo didn't spend lunch alone that day. Not anymore.

Everything has its first. 

**~~~**

All Momo wanted was for Sana to leave her alone, but God deemed that having Sana around wasn't tormenting enough for her.

Momo never asked someone to help her with her books. She never asked someone to help her with her tray. She never asked someone to sit with her during lunch.

She never needed anyone, Momo was fine being alone. It never bothered her, but maybe having her presence was kinda nice. 

Sana told her a funny story. Momo ate her tuna sandwich. Somehow eating lunch was less sad. Momo shakes her head to hide a smile. 

Momo forgot that she hated Sana.

It was a first. 

**~~~**

Momo couldn't wrap her mind around it. It was making her head spin. It has been an hour of Momo staring at the ceiling, deducting another hour that Momo could've used for sleep.

She stared at the ceiling. Legs kicking at the edge of her bed. Phone tucked under a pillow. It was 3 am and it was a school night. She might regret not sleeping but some things are more important than sleep. 

She tried to think about when it started. Was it the moment she laid her eyes on Sana? Was it today when Sana gave her the prettiest smile and left her restless?

Momo hated her... but when did it stop? 

She spent the night thinking and had no answers. (Maybe she was shutting them out).

_Perhaps you never hated her in the first place._

_Did you really hate her or did you just hate that you have feelings?_

Momo can't sleep that night. Another first.

**~~~**

"Congrats!" Momo beamed, happy to know those gruesome hours at the library finally paid off. "I knew you'd–"

Sana hugged her. How can something as simple as a hug knock the air out of your lungs? Wiping her thoughts out of her mind. Removing the words out of her tongue.

Momo didn't know how her arms actually responded. Her mind can't process anything but her warmth on her body.

She felt like she was dying. Her neck was burning, her heart was trying to escape from her chest, her body was wanting to combust.

It couldn't be my heartbeat. No, it wasn't. It was Sana's. Momo told herself. 

One of them was lying and it wasn't Sana. 

**~~~**

The loud rain, the dark sky, the cold air, their soaked clothes, but everything didn't matter except her. 

Momo realized she loves her. With certainty. With conviction. Her final guilty conclusion. It was an admission, really. That was what it felt like. It was love all along. 

_I love you, Sana._

Momo's heart would jump out of her chest if it could. She could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks. Her heart was full and content.

She didn't know if it's all because of the cold water pouring under them, or their silly giggles, or the strange gaze from strangers, or Sana. It doesn't matter, it never did.

If happiness was ever a person it'd be Sana. Always.

**~~~**

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" Sana whispered in her ear. Her breath was warming Momo's cold cheeks. There was something in her tone Momo can't decipher. She can't unravel the meaning under the hushed tone of her voice.

She knew what it could also mean. She wasn't dumb. She tucked that possibility deep inside her mind. Sana doesn't see her that way. They weren't like the others. Sana was never like anyone else. 

So she gulped and agreed because it was true. 

"It is, the moon is really beautiful," Momo replied, but her eyes weren't really on the sky

I love you, she meant. 

It wasn't the first. 

**~~~**

_Sana, I think I have loved you forever. So much to the point that I can't even remember a single day of my life when I haven't met you yet. I love you to the point that I'm starting to hate myself because I can't say this out loud. Minatozaki Sana, I love you._

Momo tries to dream of her. Anything to make her sleep at night.

She cried herself to sleep. 

She lost count, but it wasn't her first. 

**~~~**

Having to hide her feelings for Sana was hard, but seeing someone confess to Sana was a _lot_ harder.

Nayeon.

The popular senior would always pass by but not without giving Sana a soft smile. Something inside Momo kept on bottling up whenever Nayeon stood too close to Sana. Whenever Nayeon coincidentally sat at their usual spot in the library or when she casually made small talk in front of Sana's locker.

This feeling's bitter. A whole lot bitter. 

She was looking for Sana everywhere. She wasn't responding to her messages one afternoon. She looked everywhere. Then she saw Nayeon with a shy smile talking to Sana.

"You see," Nayeon was blushing. "I l-like you." 

The senior always had the cool composure as she walked through the halls head held up high, but Sana turned her into this stuttering shy teenager who couldn't even maintain eye contact. 

Momo wondered if this could be her in the future. 

Nayeon admitted her feelings to Sana was as terrifying as it was painful to witness. Everything felt surreal and real at the same time. Her feet were planted on the tiled floor. Waiting for Sana's next words as if it was her lifeline. Like it has something to do with her heart, in a way it really did.

Sana was not as surprised as Momo expected her. Sana took the confession well. She smiled and gently rejected Nayeon. Which was a relief Momo kinda feels guilty (not).

What Momo didn't know was that Nayeon was just the start. Time should made this easier for her, prepare herself from seeing other people cozy up to Sana. Some would make her laugh with the silliest pickup lines. Expect Sana to open her locker to find a bunch of gifts, chocolates, love letters.

She thought through time, it'll get easier. Guess she was wrong. 

**~~~**

Nothing bad would happen. Right? Right? 

It's been 3 years since she's been with Sana and she hoped her concealed feelings would fade through time. Would vanish every day pass, but to Momo's account, it didn't. Not even college would change that.

"I think I have a crush on you. Don't worry it's just a small crush. No big deal–uhm Dahyun has a crush on you too. See? No big deal. I j–just wanted to let you know that I like you." 

Momo wasn't drunk but she felt like she was. Momo wanted it to be over with. She looked everywhere but her eyes, as she rambled on. The street light wasn't bright enough to let Sana see her pink cheeks and for that, she silently thanked those old light bulbs.

It was just a crush. Nothing too big. it's not complicated. 

But Momo knew all that were lies, but at least Sana didn't know that. She hoped.

She should've considered being a rapper instead. Sana barely understood what she just said, but she understood enough. With her jaw hung open, eyes wide, and absolutely speechless. She was taking this in. Processing every word. 

_Maybe I shouldn't have told her that. This was a mistake. What was I thinking? I endured 3 torturous years for nothing. I just ruined everyth–_

Sana smiled, not in the forced way Momo had expected. It was different. She didn't dare to look twice, it was too good to be true. Momo had expected her to run through the hill, be disgusted, or worse, laugh. 

Sana didn't. 

Hope was clouding her mind so much more than she liked it too. 

"Cool, because I like you too." 

Momo swore time stopped. It felt like a dream. This couldn't be real.

"As a friend." 

It was a short dream and now she was awake. 

"If that's all you wanted to tell me. I better go, Momoring. See you tomorrow?" 

When Momo's mind finally processed Sana's words, so she overly nodded. Wanting to say more, but couldn't.

_Tomorrow? As in the day after today? Like approximately 9 more hours away? Does Sana still want to see me? Why?_

Momo couldn't understand Sana. She stopped trying to for a long time now.

To get rejected and be fine with it. It was Momo's first. 

**~~~**

She doesn't like you like that. Momo reminded herself. It stings, but it's true.

But she remembered the warmth whenever she held her hand, she remembered the soft smile Sana had only reserved for her. She couldn't stop herself from recalling how those warmest eyes welcome her without fail every day for years. She hoped. Momo was a fool to hope. 

Momo never hoped for something so bad. 

I love you. I love you. I hate you, maybe I am foolish.

Another first. 

**~~~**

Most of the time, it was just the little things. The gentle embrace, the secret smile, that easy laugh. Those small sneaky things that made Momo love Sana more like a fool.

Today, it wasn't small, nor was it sneaky. 

"I'm fine, no scratches. You were there to pull me just in time–" 

"You could've been seriously hurt!" She yelled, Momo hadn't seen her this red since they ate those spicy chicken wings at the restaurant near their dorm 2 years ago. "That car–you could've died!"

"I'm fine," Momo reassured her, she held Sana's shoulders. Forcing the girl to look at her. "I promise I'll be more careful." 

_Why was she crying?_

"Hey don't cry–" Momo paused when there was a set of arms tightly wrapped around her shoulders. Making her heart race faster. It's been years since Sana first hugged her, but Momo never handled it any better. 

Maybe because holding Sana this close was something Momo can only dream of. Her scent was a mix of strawberries and vanilla. Something Momo always ended up loving a little more each day. 

Momo was too caught up in the moment but eventually, she hugged her back. "I'm sorry. I'll be careful next time." 

Sana sobbed harder, pressing her face to the crook of Momo's neck. A silent reminder that she was not ready to meet Momo's gaze just yet.

"I was so scared. I just don't want to lose you," Listening to her gentle sobs broke Momo's heart. "It feels silly to be this worked up, but that was scary. The thought of losing you terrifies me." 

Those shining eyes, filled with star-studded tears slowly fell. It makes her heart heavy. Momo wanted to kiss them all away. Anything to erase those tears and see her smile.

She shoved those ugly feelings away to the farthest portion of her heart and hugged her tighter. Momo pressed her cheeks to her neck, wiping the single tear that formed in her eyes before Momo muttered the pathetic words someone utterly in love would only say. 

"Never. You'll never lose me." 

**~~~**

Momo asked herself when was the moment when she knew she can't live without Sana?

A simple crush bloomed into something this big inside her chest? All-consuming and powerful. Rendering her heart like a fool. Her sleep filled with nothing but wishful dreams. Her mind nothing but thoughts filled with only her name. 

When was the exact moment you knew you'd rather die than to take a single second of another day without her in your life?

Was it the time when they were watching the sunset and Momo realized that the sun would never be as bright as her smile?

Was it the time when they shared a night filled with bright twinkling lights and realized the stars won't ever be as pretty as her eyes?

Was it the time when they went to the woods and Momo realized that fire wouldn't warm her heart the way Sana always held her?

Perhaps it was the time when she was sixteen years old, totally enamored by the fact that this new student had everyone's hearts except her. 

Looking back, maybe Momo's heart was the first. She was just too afraid to realize it. 

**~~~**

Momo thinks she was lucky.

To be this close to love. To have it and be this close, because most people don't encounter this type of happiness in their lifetime. Most won't, because most won't ever have a Sana.

To see her smile every day, to listen to her laugh, to hold her when she feels like it. Momo knew Sana doesn't love her the way she does, but Momo's lucky still. Momo knew that.

Anything shouldn't matter, right? Only Sana matters. She was the only thing that truly ever mattered. 

To hold her and make her smile was enough. Any tiny bits of love Sana has to share was really enough with her. 

Momo thinks it might be foolishly selfish.

**~~~**

_Are we really friends?_

Momo wants to ask when she took her hand. 

_Are we really friends?_

Momo wanted to ask when Sana pulled her closer. 

_Are we really friends?_

She wanted to ask when Sana rested her head on her shoulders. 

_Do friends spend the night holding hands surrounded by couples in a park under the dark endless sky?_

Momo wanted to ask because her stupid hope was tearing her apart. Hope was slowly shredding her to pieces. She is so close to her breaking point. So close to drowning to her endless pool of emotion that was cast aside for 7 long years.

Out of any night they'd actually pick, they chose the 14th of February. Out of all the days, Sana picked the most cliché day.

What should she think? What else should she assume? Momo had that question answered years ago. It was an answer she wants to forget but can't, but glancing at their connected fingers, acknowledging that they were surrounded with nothing but couples. What was there to say?

It was hard not to assume. It was hard not to hope. It was damn hard not to kiss her. It was especially hard for Momo tonight. Momo wanted to hate Sana. Momo wished to feel anything other than wanting to kiss Sana every single day and cry about not being able to at night.

Momo held her hand tighter as they reached her doorsteps. 

_Please don't go just yet._

"Want to stay here a little longer?" Sana asked, she always knew what to do. Sana always knew everything but her heart. 

Momo nodded, not wanting the perfect evening to end just yet. 

The cold grass didn't bother her one bit. Not that it matters anyway. 

Momo beamed, gazing at the dark canvas. They always took a liking at the stars. 

She remembered Sana telling her that staring at the stars meant they were technically looking at the past. Something about light traveling slow.

"What?" Sana asked, realizing Momo was staring at her.

Momo doesn't particularly like the moon as much as the stars, but when it lights Sana's face perfectly in front of her... she can't help but appreciate it more. 

Never had she seen Sana be this perfect. Ethereal. Unreachable. A star. 

"Nothing," Momo plastered another smile "I just remembered something." 

"Tell me," she teased, poking her cheeks like she always did when she wanted Momo to look at her. What Sana wanted, Momo did. 

"I just remembered the day I confessed to you," 

She could see it was not something Sana expected. 

Those words left them silent. Hanging in cold air and silent wind that engulfed them, erupting the tiny bubble they formed in front of Sana's yard. 

"I cried that night," Sana mumbled, staring at the only pair of blinking lights that could compete with her eyes.

Momo gulped, she didn't know what to say. So many questions she wanted to ask, but her voice betrayed her. They were all left unsaid. Her only hope was for Sana to give her the answers to her unsaid questions nonetheless. 

"I cried, regretting to say those words," Sana laughed flatly. It almost sounded… bitter.

She had to ask. Momo had to ask. It was killing her, the suspense was killing her. 

"What words?" 

"That I only liked you as a friend." 

"What are you saying, Sana?" Momo sat up, getting ready for something. Why does Momo feel the need to leave? Why is Momo so scared of facing the truth? 

"What if I told you I like you?" Momo barely heard her, but she did. Sana whispered loud enough for Momo to hear. 

"Yeah, I know that already" Momo tried to even her voice, but the pit of her stomach was already upside down. "You said it ages ago, you only liked me as a friend."

That was the truth. That was what Sana clearly said, but her heart was racing. It feels unreal. She shouldn't hope, but that's what she's doing right now. She hated how every inch of her body instantly reacted to Sana as if it was programmed to do so. Like it was reflex. 

"I liked you too," 

_One_

_Two_

_Three_

She counted. Waiting for the joke. Waiting for the cruel punchline because that's usually what it followed.

She waited, but there was none.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Momo demanded, her tone was a lot higher than she expected.

"I was too scared. What if it was just a sick prank? What if you were lying? What if you did like me but then you realize your feelings were silly and I'm just a pretty face? Momo, we were so young back then, love was a heavy word–"

She kissed her. Momo kissed her. Suddenly her head was spinning. She couldn't move. She couldn't even breathe. Her chest wanted to burst open, everything felt like one of her stupid dreams.

Maybe she was dreaming. This can't be possible. Her lips shouldn't be this soft.

"I'm sorry," Momo stood up, ready to run. She was impulsive, it was a mistake. "I'm–I wasn't thinking. I-i should just go–" 

Sana took her hand and intertwined them. Resting her foreheads together. Closing her eyes as she whisper.

"Stay," Sana pleads

It could mean for a minute, an hour, a night, or a lifetime. 

Frankly, Momo didn't care. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> this was originally angst but I decided not to! maybe i'll make a series for a continuation or something.


End file.
